Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
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To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize