I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
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Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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