I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
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I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
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Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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