mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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