Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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