You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
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He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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