I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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