??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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