Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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