ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize