I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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