glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
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I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
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Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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