It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize