Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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