After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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