sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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