you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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