No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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