Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
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