maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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