He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize