Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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