He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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