I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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