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Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
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