I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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