I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
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Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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