i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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