he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
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My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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