im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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