Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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