he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
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I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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