Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
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My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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