Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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