Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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