I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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