hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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