omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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