I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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