I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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