This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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