you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
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I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
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Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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