Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
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I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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