I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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