I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
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the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize