You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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