Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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