it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
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Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
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