I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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