I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
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Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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